Control

It’s normal to meet in public transport, but when it comes to a ride through partner relationships in offline and online spaces – this is a map leading you down the wrong road. It doesn’t matter if it’s a short or long-term relationship, everybody has the right to choose their destination and co-travelers. When someone raises their voice, takes over the wheel or pushes down on the gas pedal too quickly – this can actually slow you down and make you have a serious talk with the driver or change the bus.

What does control look like in everyday life?

Your partner controls what you do and when, what you wear, who you hang out with, what you read, what you buy, he limits your movement, follows you, searches your bag, pressures you into choosing between him and your family or friends…

Sometimes it’s easy to see control and jealousy just as signs of care and love, but pay attention to the examples below. If they keep repeating… think about if these are really care and love…

You have to be available all the time…

…unfollow someone on social networks…

…or change your profile pic?

Yes, this IS online control and a form of intimate partner cyber violence.

A password for disaster

Control as a form of cyber violence in partner relationships is common. The best example for this is the REQUEST TO REVEAL YOUR PASSWORD OR TO EXCHANGE PASSWORDS for accounts you have on the internet. This can seem as an act of trust (because what do I have to hide from the person I love?), but it is important to know that our privacy is ours alone and that in every relationship there should be space that is only ours. Making new friends, chatting online and following our favorite Instagram star… are things that belong only to us. The decision not to share our password with our partner is not an act of distrust – it is an act of preserving our privacy. Trust is best built when each person has their own personal space and time. Besides, you don’t really want everyone to see your communication with your best friend – because that would mean lowering her privacy too, right?

The most frequent forms of control may seem harmless, but if they are repeated and become part of a relationship, then this relationship becomes – TOXIC. And toxic relationships are ships that don’t sail.